I have been wanting for some time now to write about the Atonement. I have found it difficult for me to start writing, as I have felt unqualified and overwhelmed and therefore I have kept putting off the task. I cannot make an attempt at explaining how the atonement works, my finite mind cannot begin to understand how it was even accomplished. I believe that may have been the source of my anxiety in regards to writing about this topic. However, what I understand now is that I am to write about what the Atonement has done for me as an individual and that is to bring about a contrast as absolute as night is from day.
Our Savior Jesus Christ, in ways we cannot fathom, performed the greatest act of love which occurred and will ever occur on this earth. He willingly came to this world with the mission to atone for fallen man in order for man to return to the presence of our Father in Heaven. He atoned for our physical and our spiritual deaths. In his well written book The Infinite Atonement, Tad Callister states it perfectly.
"The Atonement of Jesus Christ outweighs, surpasses, and transcends every
other mortal event, every new discovery, and every acquisition of
knowledge, for without the Atonement all else in life is meaningless.”
This singular act that occurred nearly 2,000 years ago is the most significant act in the history of this earth, for without it, you and I would be lost and forever cut off from the presence of our Father in Heaven; who I believe, whether consciously or subconsciously, all of our spirits yearn to return to.
Luke Chapter 22
42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.
44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
In the Garden of Gethsemane the Savior took upon himself all our pain, all our grief, including our deep ache that we mistakenly believe we carry alone. He felt every emotion that we as human beings have or will ever experience in this life. So great was the pain and emotion He felt that his physical frame was overcome.
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| Gethsemane, Adam Abram 2008 |
He did this for you! He did this for me! He did this for all!
I always seemed to have an easier time accepting that Jesus Christ performed the atonement in order for each of us to be physically resurrected. This I could somehow accept and understand, it made sense to me. On the other hand, I never understood how the atonement could be used to heal a broken soul. I had never experienced this before. I knew that this was part of the atonement, that in the Garden he paid the price for our sins and felt all our pain we would experience in this life. Pain not only caused by our own sins but also pain inflicted at the hands of others. But how could what Jesus did in the Garden, as part of the atonement, lift the burdens and aches from me in this life? I did not think this was possible, only believing it was something that happened to others, or something that a person conjured up to help them feel better about their own pain. However, in February 2014 I experienced the cleansing, healing, lifting power of the Atonement. I cannot explain how it occurred and still 1 1/2 years later I stand in awe that I remain free from an anguish I had felt to the core for many years.
I know the Atonement is real, because of what I experienced. It is now literally stitched into the fabric of what makes me, me. We all have a story, we all have some part of our past that pains us. The pain and ache I felt in my life was due to my divorce from my spouse of 11 years. I did not get married with the intent of ever divorcing. However, it came to a point where that was the healthiest and best thing for me to do. It was a decision that I did not take lightly as we have two daughters. My purpose is not to talk of my divorce, or the reasons, but that even though I knew it was the best decision to make I still felt physical pain over it two years after the divorce. I thought I would live the rest of my life feeling this way. In some ways I was happier than I had ever been and in other ways there was a hole in me that could not be filled. I tried everything from exercise to sleeping to counseling and to alcohol to attempt to fill the hole and escape the depression. It would work for a time, but I would always come back to that same grief I could not seem to escape. I wanted desperately to move forward in my life but I found myself physically and mentally unable. It was a darkness settled upon me that I was unable to free myself from.
In the fall of 2013 two missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints begin to visit me in my home. I was then a less active member of the church. I had been raised in the church but over the course of many years had progressively moved further and further away from the church and its teachings and by this point had little to do with the church. However, I allowed the two young sister missionaries to come to my home and we would visit about Jesus Christ and His life. On one particular visit the missionaries began to talk about the atonement. I explained to them that I could not understand how the atonement worked in regards to helping lift a persons burdens and sorrows or how it could help them to overcome sin. They tried to explain the best they could, but I still did not understand or believe it was possible for me.
As the months progressed the missionaries continued to visit me and I began to immerse myself in the scriptures. I began to study with real intent to find out what the Lord wanted for me in this life. I began to attend church again and I stopped drinking alcohol. As I did these things I began to feel something I had not felt in a very long time. I began to feel a small tinge of hope start to build inside of me. However, the hole I felt from my divorce still remained.
February 2014 is when I experienced the healing power of the atonement. It is something I will never forget for it is literally woven into the fabric of my body. That may sound like I am exaggerating, but I am not. I had come to a point where I knew that I needed to be able to let my past go or it would continue to consume me and prohibit me from progressing. I needed to accept what my past was and allow myself to move forward in life. I knew my divorce was the best choice for the girls and myself, of that I never doubted, but I had never emotionally moved forward even though it had been two years. It was not that I had not tried, I tried so many times before, in ways I mentioned above. However, I had not tried the right way and that was by truly turning to Jesus Christ to heal me and provide the strength for me to move forward. I remember the day clearly. I went to Heavenly Father in prayer and I asked him to give me the ability to move forward with my life. I spoke to him about many things that day that I choose to not write about. But what I can tell you is what happened. After much prayer I took a step of faith and had the courage to act upon something I felt my Heavenly Father was telling me to do in regards to the situation. 15 minutes after I did this action, I had a feeling come over me of complete and total calm and a peace filled my entire frame. I felt as if the Lord had wrapped his arms around me and told me, "It is all going to be okay." I remember going to sleep that night thinking that this was a fleeting moment and would turn out to only once again be a temporary reprieve from the pain, as I had before experienced. However, in the morning when I awoke, the feeling of calm and peace still enveloped my entire frame. I felt like as if I was on cloud nine. It felt as if someone had literally come and physically removed all the hurt and anguish I had been carrying for many years. It was as if it was all just...........gone.
For weeks I felt such an over abundance of peace and calm in my life that it began to show physically on my countenance. People noticed at work and would ask me what was going on,. They would say that I looked different. I knew I looked different because I truly felt different. The difference I felt lift that day was literally as stark as the contrast between night and day. It is a pain that has not returned. Yes, there are some days that I feel sadness or loneliness, but it is not near to the depression I had experienced prior. I do not claim to know how this happened. I do not know how the Savior literally removed that hurt from me. All I know is that it did happen! I know that it was only by turning to my Savior with real intent and by changing my behavior and earnestly seeking Him which then allowed His spirit to come and to heal and lift the sorrows from me.
I know that the Savior willing took upon him all our pains, our afflictions, our heartfelt emotions in the Garden so that we can be healed by Him. In ways beyond our mortal comprehension he did this so that he could remove that anguish from us in order for us to progress and return to abide in His Father's presence. I know that it takes work on our part for this to occur. Yes, half of the atonement provides for the resurrection of our physical frame and that is a free gift for all. However, the other half, the spiritual atonement, requires us to turn to Him and to act with full purpose of heart. When we do this, when we truly do this, He is free to act for us and to atone for our sins and our pains. The atonement and His love is truly the greatest miracle ever performed and it is all encompassing.
I know the Atonement is real, because of what I experienced. It is now literally stitched into the fabric of what makes me, me. We all have a story, we all have some part of our past that pains us. The pain and ache I felt in my life was due to my divorce from my spouse of 11 years. I did not get married with the intent of ever divorcing. However, it came to a point where that was the healthiest and best thing for me to do. It was a decision that I did not take lightly as we have two daughters. My purpose is not to talk of my divorce, or the reasons, but that even though I knew it was the best decision to make I still felt physical pain over it two years after the divorce. I thought I would live the rest of my life feeling this way. In some ways I was happier than I had ever been and in other ways there was a hole in me that could not be filled. I tried everything from exercise to sleeping to counseling and to alcohol to attempt to fill the hole and escape the depression. It would work for a time, but I would always come back to that same grief I could not seem to escape. I wanted desperately to move forward in my life but I found myself physically and mentally unable. It was a darkness settled upon me that I was unable to free myself from.
In the fall of 2013 two missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints begin to visit me in my home. I was then a less active member of the church. I had been raised in the church but over the course of many years had progressively moved further and further away from the church and its teachings and by this point had little to do with the church. However, I allowed the two young sister missionaries to come to my home and we would visit about Jesus Christ and His life. On one particular visit the missionaries began to talk about the atonement. I explained to them that I could not understand how the atonement worked in regards to helping lift a persons burdens and sorrows or how it could help them to overcome sin. They tried to explain the best they could, but I still did not understand or believe it was possible for me.
As the months progressed the missionaries continued to visit me and I began to immerse myself in the scriptures. I began to study with real intent to find out what the Lord wanted for me in this life. I began to attend church again and I stopped drinking alcohol. As I did these things I began to feel something I had not felt in a very long time. I began to feel a small tinge of hope start to build inside of me. However, the hole I felt from my divorce still remained.
February 2014 is when I experienced the healing power of the atonement. It is something I will never forget for it is literally woven into the fabric of my body. That may sound like I am exaggerating, but I am not. I had come to a point where I knew that I needed to be able to let my past go or it would continue to consume me and prohibit me from progressing. I needed to accept what my past was and allow myself to move forward in life. I knew my divorce was the best choice for the girls and myself, of that I never doubted, but I had never emotionally moved forward even though it had been two years. It was not that I had not tried, I tried so many times before, in ways I mentioned above. However, I had not tried the right way and that was by truly turning to Jesus Christ to heal me and provide the strength for me to move forward. I remember the day clearly. I went to Heavenly Father in prayer and I asked him to give me the ability to move forward with my life. I spoke to him about many things that day that I choose to not write about. But what I can tell you is what happened. After much prayer I took a step of faith and had the courage to act upon something I felt my Heavenly Father was telling me to do in regards to the situation. 15 minutes after I did this action, I had a feeling come over me of complete and total calm and a peace filled my entire frame. I felt as if the Lord had wrapped his arms around me and told me, "It is all going to be okay." I remember going to sleep that night thinking that this was a fleeting moment and would turn out to only once again be a temporary reprieve from the pain, as I had before experienced. However, in the morning when I awoke, the feeling of calm and peace still enveloped my entire frame. I felt like as if I was on cloud nine. It felt as if someone had literally come and physically removed all the hurt and anguish I had been carrying for many years. It was as if it was all just...........gone.
For weeks I felt such an over abundance of peace and calm in my life that it began to show physically on my countenance. People noticed at work and would ask me what was going on,. They would say that I looked different. I knew I looked different because I truly felt different. The difference I felt lift that day was literally as stark as the contrast between night and day. It is a pain that has not returned. Yes, there are some days that I feel sadness or loneliness, but it is not near to the depression I had experienced prior. I do not claim to know how this happened. I do not know how the Savior literally removed that hurt from me. All I know is that it did happen! I know that it was only by turning to my Savior with real intent and by changing my behavior and earnestly seeking Him which then allowed His spirit to come and to heal and lift the sorrows from me.
I know that the Savior willing took upon him all our pains, our afflictions, our heartfelt emotions in the Garden so that we can be healed by Him. In ways beyond our mortal comprehension he did this so that he could remove that anguish from us in order for us to progress and return to abide in His Father's presence. I know that it takes work on our part for this to occur. Yes, half of the atonement provides for the resurrection of our physical frame and that is a free gift for all. However, the other half, the spiritual atonement, requires us to turn to Him and to act with full purpose of heart. When we do this, when we truly do this, He is free to act for us and to atone for our sins and our pains. The atonement and His love is truly the greatest miracle ever performed and it is all encompassing.
But if you will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart,
and put your trust in Him, and serve Him with all diligence of mind,
if ye do this, He will according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.
Mosiah 7:33

